A Perverse Mouth
Proverbs 6:12-15
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. I’m not sure where that saying came from, but I heard it often growing up. Even today I can picture kids yelling that on the playground of Prescott Elementary school. I wish it were true. We all wish it were true. But alas, it’s not. The damage caused by hurtful words last far longer than it takes to heal a broken bone.
The Proverbs talks a lot about what comes out of our mouths. It’s fair to say you stand no chance of living skillfully if you can’t control your tongue. James tells us that the tongue is like a fire that sets a whole forest ablaze, a restless evil and full of deadly poison.
We have all known people whom we would identify as unsafe. As soon as they walk into the room, we know it’s only a matter of time before they say something hurtful or create conflict. Everyone knows it’s coming; you can feel the tension in the room. The only question is who will be the victim this time?
Some of you have lived with this tension at home, maybe with a parent, spouse, or teenager. For others it’s a sibling or work associate or church member. Over the years I’ve known people who have a clear track record of creating conflict in every environment they’re in, yet they are certain it’s never their fault.
Since we know this happens, here’s an idea. Let’s see if we can create a way for these people with out-of-control tongues to wound way more people. What if we could provide a platform for thoughtless, selfish, clueless people to wound lots of people anytime they feel the urge to spout off. Oh, wait, we have that already, it’s called social media.
People have always had stupid, hurtful things to say. Only now they can say it to far more people at once but with the luxury of never having to look the wounded person in the eyes and see the hurt they caused. I think it’s fair to say we have figured out a way to distribute the deadly poison to a far greater number of people than ever before. So much for progress.
The Proverb states: A worthless person, a wicked man, is the who walks with a perverse mouth, who winks with his eyes, who signals with his feet, who points with his fingers; who with perversity in his heart continually devises evil, who spreads strife.
You might say the sluggard and the worthless person are cousins. They both come from the same family, the wicked family. Remember, in the poetical literature the wicked are the self-centered fools who disadvantage the community to advantage themselves. Their orientation in life is to benefit themselves. According to this Proverb they lie, they deceive, they make false promises, and they pervert the truth all to spread strife. But why? Why would someone want to create conflict?
The answer to that question is worth pondering. Why would anyone act like that? Why would someone intentionally spread strife or create conflict? What does a person have to gain by doing that? The answer simply stated is advantage. A perverse mouth, a hurtful tongue, strife, is a way to control others. A fiery tongue is a way to manage the environment. Those who do this are trying to use their words to advantage themselves and it comes at the expense of others.
These people are typically defined by deep insecurities. They feel inferior. This drives their need to control the environment. So they lie, they deceive, wink at the truth, they attack, they say whatever is necessary to win. The more strife they cause the more they are in control. They believe they can avoid getting hurt if they stay on the offensive and wound others before they get wounded. In the end they seem incapable seeing their contribution to the conflict. Their deep insecurities won’t allow them to consider the possibility that they were wrong. This is why these patterns rarely change.
Stop and think about it. These are not happy people. They are not quietly confident or gentle to others. They are not people who disadvantage themselves to serve others. They are controlled by their belief that they are worthless, and they live in fear that others will expose them.
What is their end? Therefore, his calamity will come suddenly; instantly he will be broken and there will be no healing. Usually these people end up angry, bitter, and alone. They often play the victim as if they are the person mistreated. They’ve lied to themselves so much they sincerely come to believe their misery is the fault of others who have mistreated them. They are broken and there will be no healing because they are so self-deceived.
Sadly, I’ve seen this so much over the years. Typically, these people grow more distant with their family and friends. They become more and more isolated. The world for these people becomes smaller and smaller as fewer and fewer people want to be around them. Often these people end up bitter and alone but unable to see they did this to themselves. They feel everyone has let them down.
Skillful living means facing reality. When my mission in life is to advantage myself above all else, bad things follow. We can convince ourselves that we’re trying to do the right thing when in reality our motives are selfish. It’s about us and what we want. Our insecurities are driving the bus. If things are coming out of my mouth that are hurtful to others, I have a problem. The mouth is a good barometer.
It’s not enough to just bite my lip. The problem is much deeper. I’m selfish and insecure. That’s the bottom line. If I don’t face that reality and make some changes my future doesn’t look very pleasant.
Take some time to ponder this week. It’s easy to think of others whom this applies to. What about you? Look in the mirror. Are you a safe person? Are you more likely to create peace or conflict? Are you willing to consider the possibility that your mouth may be hurtful to others or will you deflect the blame to everyone else? Healing is possible now, but know if you don’t deal with it your calamity will come suddenly; instantly he will be broken and there will be no healing.