Neighborly Advice

Proverbs 3:27-35

I’ve never really understood the logic of picking a fight with your neighbors. These are people you see and do life around every week. It seems to me conflict next door only makes everyone’s life more unpleasant. I believe this is true even if you have to put up with some things that aren’t always fair. Maybe it’s a barking dog or a tree that loses branches in your yard or a car that is always parked in front of your house or kids that run through your yard. It’s to everyone’s advantage to get along.

We are blessed. We have great neighbors. But that doesn’t mean things don’t happen. I was trying to catch a critter in a livetrap in our barn and kept catching the neighbor’s cat. A neighbor’s dog killed a bunch of our chickens. Other neighbors crashed a four-wheeler through the fence of our pasture providing an opening for the horses to escape. Our dogs roam about and pester the neighbors. Sometimes we have a lot of people out to our house and cars park wherever. I’m sure that’s annoying to our neighbors. Stuff happens but we all get along and enjoy living in the same neighborhood.

You face what happens and work it out. That’s what friends do. That’s what neighbors should do. Remember, we all end up living in the community we create. Everybody has to give and take a little.

Proverbs says, Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to do it. Do not say to your neighbor, “Go and come back and tomorrow I will give it” when you have it with you. Do not devise harm against your neighbor, while he lives securely beside you. Do not contend with a man without cause, if he has done you no harm.

Skillful living is about living well with others. It’s not hard to live skillfully all alone on an island somewhere (at least the kind of skill we’re talking about in Proverbs). Relationships expose us.  Neighbors don’t make us a certain way; they just reveal what’s true about us. 

Let’s review some definitions. Proverbs talks a lot about the righteous and the wicked. The righteous could be defined as those who are willing to disadvantage themselves to advantage the community.  The wicked are those who will disadvantage the community to advantage themselves. The righteous create flourishing while the wicked prevent it. The righteous make great neighbors.

Proverbs states, the curse of the LORD is on the house of the wicked, but He blesses the dwelling of the righteous. No matter how you slice it, selfishness doesn’t pay off. When we are so bent on advantaging ourselves that we disadvantage others everyone loses. The blessing of the LORD is on the good neighbor.

It seems to me there is something that happens to us as we advance in life. Our expectations change. Maybe our view of ourselves and our neighbors, changes. We buy a nicer house in a nicer neighborhood. We become more concerned about fences and security systems and privacy. We pay more attention to our lawn or our trees or our property. Our sense of boundaries changes and we become more aware of our turf. Often, we become less neighborly. This neighbor is a democrat. That one is a republican. That one over there voted left and we voted right. 

Automatic garage door openers are nice. I really like mine. But in many ways they symbolize what has happened in many neighborhoods. We push the button, the door opens, and we drive in. Then we push the button again and the door closes. Peace and quiet eliminating any annoying contact with my neighbor. Maybe after dinner we could go down to the basement where it’s safe and check in with all our Facebook friends. 

What ever happened to lending your neighbor some tools or helping with a plumbing project or leaning over the fence to discuss the latest Husker loss? What about a cookout together or a fishing trip? Or what about a listening ear for a hurting neighbor or some wise counsel for raising a rebellious teenager. 

Perhaps you already do all these things. Good for you. Being a good neighbor is part of skillful living. Flourishing happens in small pockets including among neighbors. Maybe others of you really aren’t very neighborly. Do you know the names of your neighbors? Do you know their kids’ names? When was the last time they were in your house, or you were in theirs? 

Yes, I am suggesting that we turn off the devices, slow down and love our neighbors. Maybe you’ll have to get creative to get something started. Maybe take down some fences that have been put up. Perhaps you’ll need to stop focusing on obstacles that don’t need to be obstacles. And as the Proverb states, when you can offer some help to your neighbor, do it. Isolation has become a huge problem in our communities. You can do your part to change that.

So, what’s the plan for this week? What are some practical steps you can take? Never forget your lawn, your house, your car, your bank account will all fade away some day. But your neighbor will live forever. Don’t lose sight of what really matters.