The Silent Man

Proverbs 11:9-12

Twenty plus years ago I decided I wanted to learn to train a horse. Some people have asked, “Why?” I guess my answer would be because I hadn’t ever done it before. That makes sense to me. It’s something new to learn. I purchased a beautiful, one year old, buckskin gelding and got to work.

For some, training a horse is about intimidation and forcing the horse into compliance. Breaking the horse is a good description. It’s about hurting him before he hurts you. There are lots of problems with this approach. Perhaps at the top of the list is the concern that at any time that 1200-pound animal may decide to get even and hurt you back. It’s hard to relax and enjoy the horse if you are always a bit wary that he’s going to choose his moment to kick or bite or buck. There’s certainly a better way.

Most horse trainers today approach the process differently. As a matter of fact, it’s more like how the native American’s trained horses. It’s more about establishing a relationship with the horse, a partnership. I want the horse to trust me and to look to me for leadership and guidance. When I’m around him I want him to respect me not look for ways to hurt me. When this partnership is achieved the time together is safer and more enjoyable.

People can be very similar. There are those who are safe and those who are unsafe. Unsafe people are always looking for their chance to kick or bite or buck. You know it’s coming; you just don’t know when. When these people walk into a room you can feel people tense up. Even if nothing bad happens the whole environment changes for fear of what might happen.

Unsafe people prevent shalom from happening. You simply can’t flourish in such an environment. Proverbs states: With his mouth the godless man destroys his neighbor but through knowledge the righteous will be delivered. And this: By the blessing of the upright a city is exalted, but by the mouth of the wicked it is torn down.

Last week we talked about how the city rejoices when the righteous prevail. We discussed the need to speak in a language the culture around us understands. We need to lead the way out of the darkness to flourishing. This requires that we learn to control our mouths (this includes social media). There is no topic discussed in the book of Proverbs more often than our mouths. No one can live a skillful life with a mouth that is out of control. We need to take this seriously.

The mouth exposes the heart. It’s a way to hurt others before they hurt you. It’s a means of controlling the environment. When a heart is consumed with self the mouth runs out of control. So often it seems like the person whose mouth is out of control is oblivious to the damage being done. It’s as if they lack the most basic people skills necessary for community to exist. Get two or three of these people together in a room and I suggest you make a quick exit.

How do we avoid being that person? Good question. One thing I’ve noticed over the years is that nobody thinks he or she is that person. The problem is always someone else. Perhaps as you’re reading this you’re thinking of all the people this applies to, but what about you? Are you sure it’s not you?

He who despises his neighbor lacks sense, but a man of understanding keeps silent. What does he mean by despises his neighbor? The Hebrew word translated despises carries the idea of superiority. There’s a condescending tone. I’m right and you’re wrong. I’m good and you’re not. That’s the idea of despises. I think we can all agree this is very common today.

Think about how many of these hurtful conversations have a moralistic tone. There’s an arrogance to them.  I’m right and you’re wrong turns into I’m good and you’re evil. End of conversation. Listen to how Christians talk about people they disagree with. There’s often a condescending tone, an arrogance about us. We’re good and they’re bad. That’s not an attitude that leads to flourishing nor is it an attitude that makes Jesus appealing.

The Proverb states, through knowledge the righteous will be delivered. Knowledge of what? Knowledge of the truth. For us as new covenant believers it’s the knowledge that we are sinners saved by the amazing grace of God. Paul says before Christ we weren’t wiser or smarter or cleverer. We weren’t morally better or more deserving. For reasons only God knows He reached down and revealed Himself to us that He might save us. We are sinners, misfits and losers who have been made right by the blood of Jesus. We are a trophy of His grace, magnificent before a holy God, but only by His grace. We dare not forget that.

If that’s true, what do we have to be arrogant about? What did we do that is so great? What would create this condescending tone that causes me to despise my neighbor? Why do we act like that? The answer is simple, we’ve lost sight of the truth that we’re sinners saved by grace. We’re not better or smarter than those around me. By God’s grace, we’re a new creation in Christ. Anyone who truly understands grace responds to others with humility, especially the unbelievers around me. I realize that would be me if it were not for God’s grace.

A man of understanding keeps silent. What does that mean? It has nothing to do with being an introvert or extrovert. Both can have a cutting tongue. It has to do with being skillful enough to know when silence is the better option. When words are only going to escalate the situation, a skillful person remains silent.

The ancient Near East actually had what they referred to as the Silent Man. They pictured him as a tree in a meadow that was oblivious to the winds. He stood strong and tall while everything around him was blown to-and-fro by the storms. They put great value on that person who could stand strong, under control in the midst of chaos. Under control meant a disciplined mouth. The silent man was safe.

Think of it this way, we all know people who when they enter the room it suddenly feels unsafe. You can feel the tension rise. But we also know people that when they enter the room everyone relaxes. They are people of such character, such skill, you know no matter what they will maintain a safe environment.

Whether our words are in person or on social media it’s easy to get caught up in the anger of the culture. We may think we’re doing a great service for God by correcting or arguing with everyone, but in reality we’re only adding to the breakdown of shalom. We’re talking louder but people aren’t listening.

People are desperate for quiet. For places that are safe where they can ask their questions and share their thoughts. Pockets of shalom almost guarantee meaningful conversations about Jesus because they are so rare and so desired these days. You can do this. Offer people a better environment and see what happens. By the blessing of the upright a city is exalted. By the mouth of the wicked it is torn down.